Recently, I set up an almost cyber-free bedroom. I booted Alexa. Plugged in my old Bose CD player. I gathered my favorite discs and started listening to music at bedtime instead of doom-scrolling.
Funny thing—I’ve been waking up calmer.
I’m not successful every night. Our devices are addictive. They devour focus and hijack attention. I know that the firehose of crap news about repulsive people doing terrible things could (potentially) sweep years into the trash bin of time. I won’t get that time back. Life is short. Yet, I still struggle to unplug.
Devices are here to stay. They can be useful tools—if we don’t become the tools. That takes strategy and practice. I am finding that the more I unplug with intention, the calmer I feel. The calmer I feel, the less I let the parasitic operators hijack my attention. Each day, I gain more agency over my tech. The intent is the trick.
Smartphones are designed to grab what neuroscience calls our bottom-up attention—our brains are wired to react to the rings, pings, beeps, images, whacked-out claims, colors, and emotionally charged language. The book A Deadly Wandering lays out the brain science on technology and attention. It uses a fatal car accident caused by texting while driving to demonstrate how tech is outpacing us.
We need our critical thinking skills to be online more than we need to plug into cyberspace. A calm nervous system can discern between real information and clickbait. We need strategies. We empower ourselves by starving out attention parasites; in fact, I believe that the fate of humanity relies on us learning how to protect our psychological well-being while staying informed. We can’t bury our heads, but constant exposure to intentional cruelty only triggers a paralysis of overwhelm.
How do we unplug from provocateurs and distinguish real information from propaganda? How do we stay connected to reality? Our brains are hardwired to scan for threats, and cyberspace is the perfect platform to make **** up. I don’t have the answer, but I am finding ways to practice recalibrating that wiring.
My social media guide, Gretchen, has too, as it turns out (probably out of necessity). We both recently ordered old-fashioned egg timers. Separately, we’d both concluded that we needed help unplugging. Independently of each other, we’d started to develop strategies to turn off, unplug, and live in the concrete, analogue world. Egg timers don't need internet access.
Here are some strategies:
🔹 Intentional Screen Breaks: Set the timer. When it rings, walk away from your screens. Put your phone in another room.
🔹 Set the Timer and Do Something Analogue, Soul-Feeding, Concrete, Productive, or Emotionally Rewarding:
Cook. Fold laundry. Read a book. Practice yoga. Play a musical instrument. Break out crayons. Take a walk or a run. Heck, leave your house and say hello to your neighbor.
I asked Gretchen, “Were you more productive?”
Her answer: “By far.”
I will add this: The internet does offer access to real knowledge. For example, Yale Professor Timothy Snyder’s The Making of Modern Ukraine course. We need to learn how to distinguish the authentic from the grifting.
This is an individual process. It will take practice, experimenting, and time. What calms one person won’t work for another. You’ll know what works because you’ll feel calmer and more clear-headed. So, the process is innately self-empowering. That’s the silver lining—and it’s critical right now.
Gentle Souls, bad actors feed on outrage. Our precious energy is limited—inevitably, the supply will run out. Let’s NOT feed them. Let’s weigh and measure our exposure. Our devices are tools that should serve us, not the other way around.
Inhale, exhale.
~Esther
Esther Friedman
Author of The Gentle Souls Revolution
Website: gentlesoulsrevolution.com
Buy the book: https://a.co/d/4fLuoa0
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