Here’s something that I’ve been pondering lately as news and politics look increasingly bleak and brutal. How do we maintain our faith in civility, kindness, and decency?
Those who fit the Gentle Soul profile extend everyone the benefit of the doubt on principle. Recent events that reward the most entitled, cruel, and narcissistic actors may have you questioning that core principle: you may be wondering if human goodness exists at all—if anything that you believe is true.
Trust me, I get it. However, millions of people are, in fact, decent, kind, and loving human beings. Like you, they quietly keep on keeping on, loving their families, working jobs, learning new things, and contributing to society. The bullies among us barrel through sucking up the most oxygen, demanding attention. When such people barrel over the rest of us, it’s tempting to give up.
Here’s the rub: giving up this core principle—human goodness—feeds the cynical narrative that empowered round two of the most hateful, vile man, to once again hold all levers of power in our federal government. It also means giving up on a fundamental aspect of yourself —your belief in goodness is core to being a gentle, empathic, soul. Your recovery relies on you protecting that core value instead of giving up on yourself.
How then do we do that? How do we keep inhaling and exhaling. The truth is that I’m not sure, but I will say this: when your faith feels shattered, it’s important to extend grace to your broken heart: give your grief time and space. Shattered faith indicates a loss of innocence. I admit that while I’ve grown to appreciate my more cynical and self-protective adult self, I miss the naïve Gentle Soul that I once was before my close encounters with the mom & pop, 4th-way cult called “school.”
I’m also grieving not knowing what to say to my clients or how to empower them—but the truth is that self-empowerment grows from the inside out. Self-empowerment starts with calming your own nervous system, steering towards inner clarity. Creating a still place inside that informs how you respond to and navigate the world outside. So, I can’t really tell my clients how to center and self-empower—because my well-intended advice might not be the right strategy for each individual. I can’t know what’s best for them. I can discuss options and reflect back and help each client find the answers that lie within themselves.
The most empowering thing I can do is support and facilitate the process of allowing authentic knowing to bubble up from the inside out. Which is why I’m suggesting that you give yourself time to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling right now. Ask yourself what you need to clear your mind, what calms your heart and soul, ultimately, recharge your executive suite—the pre-frontal cortex—to take charge.
One of my clients told me that Al Anon offers this rhetorical tool for facing painful truths:
1) Awareness
2) Acceptance
3) Action
I have found that a calm state leads to clarity, and empowers me to act—THEN action, from the clear and calm place becomes the antidote to despair.
So, give yourself what you need to root yourself to the earth, inhabit your skin, and move forward with a clear mind and heart.
Inhale, exhale. Repeat. Esther
Author of The Gentle Souls Revolution.
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