Content Endorsement #3: LCF Podcast - Leaving a Christian Cult for an Authentic Life

Classical violinist, Matthew Castle, describes escaping a cloistered echo chamber of blind obedience, misogyny, high control, “us versus them,” and feeling like, “I never fit in.”  This cult checked ALL the boxes with a dash of "christian" nationalism.

As a teen, he recognized his attraction to men, “the worst sin” according to the cult leaders. Over time, he saw, “I had to either completely repress myself, or I was going to have to leave.”  As you know, readers, this isn't really a choice.

Painful events, including a “conversion therapy” conference, expedited his departure. At 18, he left with a duffle bag and his violin. Ironically, the conference was his deal breaker: "No one was repaired. It was one of the saddest things I’d ever been to... I realized, this doesn’t work.” The cult leaders created a problem where no problem existed; therefore, they had no real solutions. So, he left “...my friends, everyone I’d ever known and never went back.”

The escape is dramatic, remarkable, compelling and impressive. But my recommendation comes from how Matthew's story meets the criteria: helpful, educational and kind. Matthew's calm voice and compassionate perspective makes this listen a balm for tattered souls. His remarkable clarity, insight and empathy. His honesty as he describes, “I didn’t know anything about myself. I didn't know my favorite color… I knew what Bill Gothard’s favorite color was, it was blue.”

Personally, I loved hearing him encourage former members to claim their passions and talents. He started playing the violin at three, but the cult hijacked this birthright. Once he left, he wondered, “Did I like music? Maybe I hated music?” After a two-year break, he returned to it “owning it and knowing that it was really something that I loved, I missed.” Instrumental music, he said, "doesn’t tell me how to feel..." It does integrate him. He says, "It ties my life together…” It unifies and grounds him. "Music, as a constant, brought me joy, meaning and purpose."

His kind words for others leaving high-control, abusive, relational systems include: be patient, kind and self-forgiving. His invaluable insight: even five years after leaving he questioned that decision, “I was still experiencing almost daily panic attacks or nightmares… I didn’t know who I was, how to communicate with others in the world, didn’t know how to operate.” But he lands on this: Find your own passions and do that! Pick up an instrument … no, that’s coming from me."

So, if you are reading this post a former member in recovery, reclaiming yourself and your life, I'm optimistic that you have a parallel personal passion that you can heal through, too.